Memory

"As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes. ~~~~~

I can't remember the other two...."

Some days it just seems like this.

Today is Easter. It was a major holiday when we were children. Getting dressed in these pretty dresses, getting the lovely Easter baskets, the very fancy ceremonial masses at church with the incense. How I loved going to church. It was so mysterious to me. I know my brothers and sisters thought differently. But it was in Latin and I understood so little and I was sure to perish if I didn't just adore it. I used to love going to church with the nuns to polish the pews during the week. There were sounds in the church coming from somewhere behind the altar that I didn't understand and I had it in my mind that maybe everyone was planning with God Himself what was going to happen at the next Mass. I know. You think I need more drugs.

For me, Easter was always about some sort of holiness. Yes, love the chocolate, the ham, the pretty dresses. Any holiday is great. But Easter. Look - He gets up and rises up from all of that grueling ordeal and we get to party. And who really thinks of that. It IS about the eggs, the ham, the pretty dresses, the company that comes over. Who really thinks about what Himself went through?

It gives me heart palpitations when I think of it. Spending today alone in reflection I have had moments of anxiety. Well it is a nice story. A nice story I was raised to believe. I took a nap. I am sewing now. I was able to speak to family in New Hampshire. I am watching an article on smoking on "60 Minutes". God I wish they would leave us alone. I love smoking. I have been keeping track. I smoke one pack every three to four days. Please don't ask me to quit.

The sun came out long enough to show me a beautiful sunset. I am at peace. I am going to cook a lovely piece of tuna for dinner. And I am going to watch more of "Julia cooks with Jacques Pepin" on DVDs.

Easter. Another nice day in my extensive repertoire of nice days.