Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I think what it has been for me for just about all of my life, is that I have never had the type of girlfriend with whom I have ever shared rituals with. Makeup, Hair-do's. Manicures, pedicures. I have never spent time shopping, just seeing what there is out there for girls who then turn into women.
Having been so large during such an important time of my life, I missed all of those things and secretly suffered for it. So, I never put an emphasis on femininity. I chose to be simply me however anyone chose to perceive that.
So now, the simple discovery of a facial wash makes me feel feminine because it IS feminine. A friend of mine three weeks ago, gave me a ruby ring. Tiny, gold. I wear it on my ring finger and I keep staring at it because it IS tiny and it makes my hand look so feminine. I feel like I am just recently discovering, at the age of 61, my girlishness, womanishness.
There are people in my life who are telling me that they have always thought me feminine. I am curious. I have been unaware. Is it just that I have never thought about myself as feminine. Maybe I just took myself so much for granted that my attention was just naturally drawn to what was in front of me rather than what was looking back at me in the mirror. I did spend a lot of years not looking in the mirror at all.
OK. So now I am trying new things. Like learning a new sewing technique that I already know but now differently. Making everything new. It is an interesting time of my life.
Trying new things, being new.